Anxiety and Death
by Christian Thomas Golden
Anyone who’s been following (or at least read a hand full of) my posts knows that I write about anxiety. I write about it because I struggle with it daily. Though I may have written about this previously, I’d really like to explore how anxiety is especially dangerous in that it paralyzes its victim.
When we are faced with choices, obstacles, and struggles, we must make a decision in regards to how to resolve the issue at hand. We can choose to do the “right” thing, we can choose to do the “wrong” thing, or we can fail to choose (which is really a choice to do nothing, which is mostly likely one of those “wrong” things).
Failure to choose can be rooted in many different things. The chief reason for myself is anxiety. It is anxiety over not only choosing the wrong thing, but of what will follow if I choose the right thing. So, really, it is anxiety over what comes next. Why should I be anxious over the consequences of my decisions?
I believe it is my responsibility to make my decisions, thus making me accountable (internally if not externally as well) for those consequences. That is an anxiety on its own.
Of course, my greatest anxiety is over the possibility of failure. Now, this anxiety would not be so great were it not for the fact that I feel as though people (my family and friends) expect (or at least really, really want) me to succeed.
Ah, so it appears that my anxiety may more so be rooted in not wanting to let others down. Actually, I’m sure it’s more basic than that. Yes, I’m starting to see it now.
As a child I was bullied, belittled, made fun of, and ostracized. I hated school. That is where my anxiety began. Oh, this is awesome. Thank you, Lord, for bringing this to remembrance.
You see, you cannot overcome an obstacle until you understand the obstacle. For instance, if you are in a dark room and you stumble over something, you cannot properly overcome this obstacle until you discern what it is and deal with it accordingly.
Likewise, if you run into the paralyzing obstacle that is anxiety, you cannot overcome it until you find out what the anxiety is really all about.
Now I know that my anxiety is rooted in those horrible childhood experiences. It is now my responsibility to go to God with this revelation. I could try and overcome this on my own, but knowing my God to be the helper that He is, why not allow Him to assist me in this struggle? It might not be on my terms, but I think the Creator might know a little more than I do.
Lastly, thank you, WordPress, for being the outlet that allowed me to work out this revelation.
EDIT: I just realized I never addressed the original purpose of this post (to explore how the paralyzation caused by anxiety is really a form of death). Briefly, just as still/stagnant waters are non-conducive to life, so does anxiety paralyze one’s life to the point of being stagnant and still.