Anyone who’s been following (or at least read a hand full of) my posts knows that I write about anxiety. I write about it because I struggle with it daily. Though I may have written about this previously, I’d really like to explore how anxiety is especially dangerous in that it paralyzes its victim.
When we are faced with choices, obstacles, and struggles, we must make a decision in regards to how to resolve the issue at hand. We can choose to do the “right” thing, we can choose to do the “wrong” thing, or we can fail to choose (which is really a choice to do nothing, which is mostly likely one of those “wrong” things).
Failure to choose can be rooted in many different things. The chief reason for myself is anxiety. It is anxiety over not only choosing the wrong thing, but of what will follow if I choose the right thing. So, really, it is anxiety over what comes next. Why should I be anxious over the consequences of my decisions?
I believe it is my responsibility to make my decisions, thus making me accountable (internally if not externally as well) for those consequences. That is an anxiety on its own.
Of course, my greatest anxiety is over the possibility of failure. Now, this anxiety would not be so great were it not for the fact that I feel as though people (my family and friends) expect (or at least really, really want) me to succeed.
Ah, so it appears that my anxiety may more so be rooted in not wanting to let others down. Actually, I’m sure it’s more basic than that. Yes, I’m starting to see it now.
As a child I was bullied, belittled, made fun of, and ostracized. I hated school. That is where my anxiety began. Oh, this is awesome. Thank you, Lord, for bringing this to remembrance.
You see, you cannot overcome an obstacle until you understand the obstacle. For instance, if you are in a dark room and you stumble over something, you cannot properly overcome this obstacle until you discern what it is and deal with it accordingly.
Likewise, if you run into the paralyzing obstacle that is anxiety, you cannot overcome it until you find out what the anxiety is really all about.
Now I know that my anxiety is rooted in those horrible childhood experiences. It is now my responsibility to go to God with this revelation. I could try and overcome this on my own, but knowing my God to be the helper that He is, why not allow Him to assist me in this struggle? It might not be on my terms, but I think the Creator might know a little more than I do.
Lastly, thank you, WordPress, for being the outlet that allowed me to work out this revelation.
EDIT: I just realized I never addressed the original purpose of this post (to explore how the paralyzation caused by anxiety is really a form of death). Briefly, just as still/stagnant waters are non-conducive to life, so does anxiety paralyze one’s life to the point of being stagnant and still.
One Man Versus the World 
I dunno – knowing why something entered the room/who put it there as a stumbling block doesn’t have much to do with how to get around or rid of it. (I’d imagine it be different if this had to do with an interpersonal problem.)
Chicken and the egg – I saw such and such behavior first manifest when event X happened when I was X years old. Was that the event the cause, or is that simply the first circumstance where such and such behavior had an opportunity to show itself? How does that help get rid of it now, and what benefit is it other than finding out who to blame and cause opportunity for resentment (which is a decision to the affected person)?
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Well, it’s like treating the symptoms without ever discerning the actual cause of the symptoms. You may be able to treat the symptoms even spiritually, but if you never receive healing of the root problem, you’re not experiencing complete healing. It could very well be that God firsts walks you through treating the symptoms, but if there is still a root to those symptoms, I don’t believe God wants to ignore it or forget it (the Devil certainly doesn’t). It’s not like God would want to rub this root in your face or cause any sort of negative effect by bringing it to remembrance. When He brings it to remembrance you can choose to respond to it according to his will. He is the God who heals. If any other force attempts to take this as an opportunity to bring you down (which most likely will happen), it’s not from God. That does not mean that the initial remembrance or focus on said root (or focus on the journey to discern the root) isn’t from God.
For me, I believe it is an opportunity to receive greater, fuller healing. I know I’m unable to face it and overcome it on my own, so I’m surrendering to God/allowing Him to lead me through this struggle. It’s good thing!
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My anxiety comes from fear of violence. I see the beginnings and potential for future violence everywhere. It is one of the reasons I don’t get into a relationship for fear of resorting to violence, or even of being subject to violence. There is so much instinctual aggression in us humans from our biological past that I am anxious of making decisions in case I am sub-consciously making one that somewhere down the road will lead to violence either by me, or against me. Thanks for this post, got me thinking.
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Thank you for sharing! I appreciate you taking this time to allow my post to get you thinking. That’s all I hope to do. Much appreciated!
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I understand as I was bullied for school for many years and had no friends. I was the last to be picked for any sports teams as well as the one left without a partner or to work alone. It’s hard and those feelings run deep. Thanks for sharing it’s nice to read I’m not alone in that.
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Thanks for sharing and commenting. It’s a hard background to come from, though it’s certainly given me a heart for bullied/ostracized youth that I might not have developed otherwise. Insofar as I receive healing, I am able to lead others to healing. That is my hope. You can’t give what you haven’t received. I’m standing firm on that, all for the glory of Him who heals. I cannot comprehend the complexity of the effects any adverse childhood experience may have had on me. All I can do is resign to the fact that I’m no more able to heal myself and others as I am able to give birth to myself. There is great comfort and hope in this, so long as I choose to accept it.
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It’s a great post. There have been times when we get anxious to know what’s making us so. One of the biggest anxieties that visits me time and again is the fear that many of my dreams may not turn true, or I may run out of time. A world expedition and to climb up the Mt Everest being the biggest of all. Thankfully, it sets me working to make those come true. Thanks for sharing.
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No problem. Thanks for sharing your own anxieties. Just remember, so long as we allow our anxieties to dictate our behavior, we are slaves to them. The moment we even begin to break away from this (in your case, getting you feet wet with some baby steps to train for Mt. Everest), we’ve defeated anxiety. Even if we still feel the anxiety in the midst of the battle, we are defeating it by acting contrary to it. Then, we can honestly say to ourselves, “I am overcoming my anxiety as I speak!” Is it easy? No! But it is a journey that we should embark on with excitement.
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Thanks for visiting my blog. What wonderful wisdom God gives you. Blessings to you.
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