I’m sitting here thinking of the responsibilities of fatherhood. My first child is on her way, due this September. As a man of God first, a godly husband next, followed by a godly father, I recognize the importance of my own personal spiritual well being above all else. After all, how am I to be the husband and father God has called me to be if I am not first a proper, obedient son of God? Anyone who has read my earlier writings knows of my nihilistic, existentialist bent. I can’t say that I no longer see through such a lens, but rather that lens refined. I’ve received an updated prescription, if you will. I guess I could say that my eyes are naturally nihilistic, existential, and somewhat immaterialistic.
However, ever since I found out that I have a daughter on the way, a new filter materialized somewhere around (either behind, in front of, or some combination thereof) my eyes (or conduit of sight). This has enabled me to receive great joy, optimism, and excitement despite my natural tendencies. This is a gift from God.
It’s extremely exciting to recognize this evolution in its developmental stages. I look to the wise men of the Bible and can’t help but feel a childlike eagerness to grow from faith to faith, love to love, wisdom to wisdom, sight to sight. I am well aware of the bone-crushing process. However, I’m also aware of the glory in the outcome. It’s greater with every victory. Though the conflict grows ever greater, the joy of victory is inexplicable. Though great the struggle may be, my God is greater.