Like, Share, and Re-Post This Post or Your Pet Turtle Will Die and Your Dog Will Eat Your Cat! Also: You Are Literally A Bad Person, Literally

by Christian Thomas Golden

If you don’t like, share, or re-post this, your neglect will cause the murder of an innocent frog in Indonesia. Do you really want to be responsible for the end of the world?

Stop it.

Cut it out.

Have you ever had a bowel movement? Urinated? Vomited? Passed gas? Stubbed a toe? Got angry? Wished something bad on someone? Lied?

A celebrity flashed a boob. John Smith gained weight. A cop shot someone. A new president was elected. He lied. A video game made a kid kill someone. A songwriter made someone commit suicide. A company is corrupt. There are wars going on. Innocent people are dying. We are the good guys.

I just farted.

I jammed my finger playing basketball.

I got mad at an old lady who was driving slow this morning.

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