George Floyd was killed on May 25th, 2020. Police officer, Derek Chauvin, was charged with his murder. With whom do you identify more: George or Derek? Whose shoes do you believe most closely fit your feet?
Can you put yourself in Derek’s shoes? Can you assume his role?
Assume the worst you can about Derek. Assume that he deliberately set out to murder George. Assume that he enjoyed every moment that led up to George’s death. Assume that he felt satisfied upon George’s death. Assume that he felt proud that he killed George. Assume that he’s done it before, and that he’d do it again if given the chance.
How does that make you feel about Derek?
Now, replace Derek with yourself and repeat the exercise. Here, I’ll go first:
I deliberately set out to murder George. I enjoyed every moment that led up to George’s death. I felt satisfied upon George’s death. I am proud that I killed George. I’ve killed before, and I’d kill again if given the chance.
Now, take it a step further. Imagine yourself in the scene surrounding your murder of George.
My knee is on George. I feel him struggling. I hear him trying to scream that he can’t breathe. I put as much weight as I can on George to stop him from struggling loose. I like that he’s struggling. It makes my power necessary. It tests my power. I exert more power. I win. There’s so much in my life that I cannot control. Right now, I can control George. I can control myself. I am self-disciplined. George cannot win this fight. This is under my control. This feels good. His life is in my hands. His life is under my knee. He struggles again. I lean in more, press down more. Now, he really can’t breathe. I know this, because he’s struggling but he isn’t making any noise. Now, he’s truly under my control. It’s my right – my duty to control this situation. It’s under my power to do so. George has no right to fight me. I have the authority. He does not. I am righteous.
Dr. Jordan B. Peterson often speaks about the utility of acknowledging one’s own capacity for evil. I think this is a critical exercise that every individual should engage in, today – perhaps – more than usual. Perhaps before I react to today’s events by pointing fingers, identifying evil, and placing blame externally, I should reflect on myself critically and honestly measure how closely I might mirror Derek more than I reflect George. I should put myself to the purifying fire and see just how much needs to be burned away before I’m acceptably not-evil, let alone righteous enough to declare someone else evil. That’s not to say my judgment of Derek’s character would be wrong, but that my assumption that it is my place to judge anyone at all is deeply, insidiously prideful.
Surely, justice must be met on behalf of George. But I cannot presume that I have the right to assume victim-hood with George. George lost everything. George’s family and friends lost George. I haven’t lost anything. In fact, I am trying to gain from George’s loss. I am feeding off of someone’s death. Not only that, but I am feeding off of George’s death and using the resulting energy to perpetuate a cycle of death by claiming that I am so righteous that I have the right to steal, kill, and destroy what isn’t mine.
If I should protest anything, I should protest every area of myself that falls short of righteousness. It is only when each of us individually critically looks inward at ourselves and honestly measures ourselves against righteousness that we will know just how far we are from eligible to point at anyone but ourselves. Then, each of us will be able to take steps away from evil, and toward good. We cannot do this if we spend more time looking at others than we spend looking at ourselves. I cannot do this if I look at you more than I look at myself.
There are parts of me that I’m ignoring. They are so hard to look at. Those things that lurk in the shadows. Those things that poke their head out when someone cuts me off on the road or when I stub my toe or when someone interrupts me while I’m reading. I must acknowledge those things. I need to expose them to the light. I need to let the fire in to burn away all the evil in me that I all too often refuse to acknowledge.
I don’t think I’m being too presumptuous when I assume that each and every human being is in this same state, and should engage in this same process. I think the hashtag that would much more likely spark the necessary change to decrease the likelihood of future #icantbreathe incidents is:
#ikilledgeorge
One Man Versus the World 